An excerpt from today’s writings.

Round 3 of chemotherapy has kicked my ass.
I am tired. Angry. Bitter. Yet disgustingly positive that I will see through this darkness and laugh in the face of this bullshit disease.  This is the darkest post I hope to ever make.  The curse words and anger will undoubtedly see Ellen and the rest of the daytime talk show circuit exclude me from their shows of hope.  I don’t care.  This blog was made to cheer up the real fighters of cancer. Those who have gone through so much more than I.  Those colon cancer survivors who have done 20 plus rounds of chemotherapy while still keeping their shit together (no pun intended).  I’m a fool  Third round.  Chemo fighter.  Losing it.

I self talk. I yell to the Gods.  I beg for my legs to move!!  They respond like beaten dogs, afraid of their master.

Here is an excerpt of today’s, The Funny Thing About Cancer:

I write, not for everyone else.  Although, it sounds nice when I say I want to have a book in every cancer center across North America.  I really do.  I just know that, first of all, society, we are pretty full of shit.  No one reads.  My best bet would be a dual DVD with Katy Perry where she laments on the fact that positivity is the key to happiness.  Hopefully she is in something skimpy, then people would watch.  She wouldn’t be wrong, good old Katy.  But us cancer fighters, we know, positivity doesn’t make your legs work.  It doesn’t make your eyes want to open and it certainly doesn’t make you look healthy, feel healthy and want to do healthy things. 

Some days, I just pray to God.  A God, I don’t even believe it.  I wish I had Ellen’s phone to call God.  Hoping, he or she will forgive the fact that I don’t have anything to do with their charitable donation scheme; then spit down some magic to make me feel okay.   I don’t think that’ll ever happen, but it sure is funny to think about.

Ill just be the shark dancing to it’s own tune. For now.

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I love all of you for helping me through this fight.
Please help me with this book, or not.  Just share this page. Anything.  I am a fighter. I am a comedian.  I am a brother.  I am a winner.  And I will help others beat this garbage disease.

2 responses to “An excerpt from today’s writings.

  1. Some days are hard. Really hard. After my third round of chemo I said to my husband- ‘I totally get why people quit.’ And somehow I soldiered on for 3 more rounds. I lost more hair, more strength, more of my old self, but what I got in return was amazing. Chin up brother. You got this.

  2. Hey dude, why shouldn’t you believe that your prayers will be answered? I’ve had some praying to do, I mean nasty hard begging/bartering kind of praying…and I was blessed to have been heard. Not every time, and not because I necessarily believe in God either, but a few times the Universe has really pulled through. And why not scream, holler, curse the entire fucking world?? I would, and I have! It helps our soul to heal while we are hurting, it helps us find answers about ourselves when there seems not to be any. And lastly, you do not require God to forgive you…the only one who needs to forgive you is….wait for it…You. It is in our deepest darkest corners that we discover beautiful hidden parts of ourselves that would have otherwise remained concealed. You are better than this illness. You have got to believe that. I’m sorry right now it’s tough. Me, I almost dropped dead today from an asthma attack while walking home. Seriously. I know fear. Not just from today, but I was legitimately afraid for my life today as I slumped over on the side of the road by myself. I won’t claim to know anything much about how you feel, but I hope you know I at least understand. It’s human nature to be angry and afraid. We’re all afraid. ❤ Love you, Josh. Keep battling.

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