‘I’m bored of it all.’ – Winston Churchill’s last words.

Surgery in 5 hours.
Video talking about it.
8th edition of The Funny Thing About Cancer.

There is some argument on a precise number, but it appears that the average person’s odds of dying during a typical day are 1 out of about 44,000. This is assuming we all live a life of equal risk.

I am going in for a surgery on Wednesday, where my surgical team has decided (after my constant pestering) on a firm 1-2/100 chance of me dying from it.

Needless to say, this has finally all resonated that I am about to experience something frightening. I am scared. I am tired. I am oddly calm. I don’t want to get all sentimental and crazy, but I imagine this what military personnel feel like when heading out on tour. Scared, nervous; but brave. It is something that I have to do if I want to live. Funny huh? I have to enter immediate danger in hopes of long term peace.

Cancer is filled with these seemingly insane practices of getting worse to get better. 80 years of medical research and the best big pharma has come up with is:
Chemo – Number one side effect: More cancer.
Radiation – Number one side effect: More cancer.
Surgery – 1/10,000 die on the table. 1-2/100 within 30 days.

Maybe it is time to stop donating to cancer research? Buy a book to cheer up people instead? Just my few cents.
Get a book here.

Short, sweet and neat!

A much better and detailed post will follow this week, including a new video.  I have been dealing with a ton of personal issues, went on vacation, finished my third cycle of chemotherapy and turned 29 years old.  It has been a very busy, rewarding and challenging month.  My cancer based stand-up comedy is coming along well, I have been getting as much stage time as possible.  I would like to thank Mark Breslin and Yuk Yuks for all the support they have been giving me while I am here in the Toronto area.

The Funny Thing About Cancer book is taking flight in ways I never thought possible.  The Facebook Page I started for the book already has over 500 followers!  This is not even the best news, I just got word that the amazing dudes over at the Cyanide and Happiness Comic Strip will be providing artwork for the book.  This is going to really round out the book in ways I could not imagine.­  On top of all of this, all of you have helped raised enough funds for over 1000 books to be distributed to cancer centres across North America!  You are all amazing!

On Thursday, I find out if my chemotherapy has succeeded or not and also when my surgery date is.  I’m estimating I will be undergoing the slice and dice by the end of next week.

As I try to maximize the fun in life before I go under the knife, I will do my best to update this in the next few days and provide another video blog.

Have a great week everyone, off to write more of the book.

An excerpt from today’s writings.

Round 3 of chemotherapy has kicked my ass.
I am tired. Angry. Bitter. Yet disgustingly positive that I will see through this darkness and laugh in the face of this bullshit disease.  This is the darkest post I hope to ever make.  The curse words and anger will undoubtedly see Ellen and the rest of the daytime talk show circuit exclude me from their shows of hope.  I don’t care.  This blog was made to cheer up the real fighters of cancer. Those who have gone through so much more than I.  Those colon cancer survivors who have done 20 plus rounds of chemotherapy while still keeping their shit together (no pun intended).  I’m a fool  Third round.  Chemo fighter.  Losing it.

I self talk. I yell to the Gods.  I beg for my legs to move!!  They respond like beaten dogs, afraid of their master.

Here is an excerpt of today’s, The Funny Thing About Cancer:

I write, not for everyone else.  Although, it sounds nice when I say I want to have a book in every cancer center across North America.  I really do.  I just know that, first of all, society, we are pretty full of shit.  No one reads.  My best bet would be a dual DVD with Katy Perry where she laments on the fact that positivity is the key to happiness.  Hopefully she is in something skimpy, then people would watch.  She wouldn’t be wrong, good old Katy.  But us cancer fighters, we know, positivity doesn’t make your legs work.  It doesn’t make your eyes want to open and it certainly doesn’t make you look healthy, feel healthy and want to do healthy things. 

Some days, I just pray to God.  A God, I don’t even believe it.  I wish I had Ellen’s phone to call God.  Hoping, he or she will forgive the fact that I don’t have anything to do with their charitable donation scheme; then spit down some magic to make me feel okay.   I don’t think that’ll ever happen, but it sure is funny to think about.

Ill just be the shark dancing to it’s own tune. For now.

Featured image

I love all of you for helping me through this fight.
Please help me with this book, or not.  Just share this page. Anything.  I am a fighter. I am a comedian.  I am a brother.  I am a winner.  And I will help others beat this garbage disease.


I’ve been quiet too long!

I have been been quiet about this subject too long.

I am a New England Patriots fan.  I empathize with the team.

You may have heard that they are in trouble with the NFL for providing game balls that were slightly deflated.  I took to twitter to speak out.

The Funny Thing About Cancer Book Preview.

The book is coming along great!  It gets better the more I have to deal with my annoying cancer.
If you want to support the book you can in a few ways:
1) Make a contribution!
2) Share the link on all social media and hopefully get others to look at the page.
3) Send the link to media outlet friends you know and hopefully we can get some traction that way.

Here are a couple excerpts from the book, again this is uncut and raw.  Just like cancer:

From page 4:
‘So we have established I am a bit of a ‘say anything’ type.  Still reading?  Great!  I promise it will all start to make sense.  I am young, way too young to be dying this quickly.  I phrase it as, ‘dying this quickly’ because we are all dying.  I am so philosophical right?
If you look at time on a long enough scale, you could easily sit back and admit that none of this matters.  Nothing we do each day means anything at all in the grand scheme of things.  One hundred years ago, and a hundred years from now; everything is irrelevant.  The world will always keep turning.  Even if our friends in North Korea blow a bunch of it up, it will still stand, still spinning, still doing it’s thing.  You and I have an immeasurable small impact on the universe.  Waxing poetic, we can go further; our memories, the people we love, our dreams, our fears and our passions are all nothing.
Screw philosophy though right?  We all just want to f**king live!’

From page 32:
‘The chemotherapy lounge is the most depressing place on earth.  If you are reading this in a cancer center, look around you.  Sad is it not?  How can people expect to beat the world’s deadliest disease while being a sad sack and moping around?  The depression level in those places is the same as the group that hangs out at the Denny’s bar on a Wednesday at last call.  They all have no where to be and accept that they will probably be back tomorrow.  It is time for people to start beating cancer with a positive mental attitude.  Get talking about it.  It doesn’t have to be the end of your life, until, you know, it is actually the end of your life.  Which statistically is coming soon – but you aren’t going to allow yourself to be a statistic are you?’ ‘

From page 73:
‘What if there was a reality TV show that followed around a family who all had cancer?  It could be called 8 Tumors and Counting or something.  A quick shot of one of the children yelling, ‘Mom, where is the hairbrush?…never mind!  Just kidding!’.  Then the whole family laughs together in their bald, warm and loving glory.’