My Radio Show Today

So we had one of our better shows today as we interviewed Canadian comedy legend Winston Spear.  He was extremely funny and a great guest.  The second part of our show we interviewed Jarrett Sorko, local musician and comedian in Windsor, Ontario.  He has just released a video for his song ‘519’.  You can find that video here.

The show is pretty amusing if you like comedy, music and laughing.  Check it out at the link below.

We really hit our funny stride at around the 10:45 mark, feel free to skip ahead.  I know you are busy.

Follow me on Twitter too, please?

Liquor Companies Need Me.

I was having a discussion with some friends the other day and the following three truths were discovered:
-Drinking alcohol is fun.
-Hangovers are not fun.
-If we could drink without having a hangover we would do it daily.

The solution seemed so simple.  Liquor companies should reinvest their profits to create a pill or serum or suppository that cures hangovers. 

People who are drinking don’t ‘take it easy’ because they hate fun.  They ‘take it easy’ because they hate hangovers. 

My experience in this field is remarkable, if any liquor companies would like to discuss my hangover cure findings, I can be emailed here.

Why I’m never buying toilet paper again.

I’ve been a bachelor for four months.  One month into my bachelorism I ran out of toilet paper.  Since then,  I have decided not to feed into the propaganda that toilet paper is an essential part of every household’s basic requirements.   As a bachelor, it is clear to me that if you buy toilet paper as a single man, you are doing it wrong. 

Here is what is awesome about living a toilet paper free lifestyle.

Your hygiene skyrockets!
When I use ‘the john’ (or ‘the jane’ for the feminists out there) I have to shower immediately after in order to not have clingers back there.  I’m not friends with fiber so I generally only need this type of relief when I wake up; This makes showering after the dirty deed no inconvenience at all.  If later on in the day I need to say goodbye to Old El Paso, I just do my business and have a shower.  It’s like a beautiful big bidet.   For this, I am cleaner than you, hands down (pun intended).

Toilet paper is bad for the environment.
When I started writing this post I thought it was just a sad and funny truth of how terrible I am at being a human.  Turns out, a quick punch into Google proves that at least Allen Hershkowitz, senior scientist at the Natural Resources Defence Council agrees with me that toilet paper is bad for the environment,

“Future generations are going to look at the way we make toilet paper as one of the greatest excesses of our age. Making toilet paper from virgin wood is a lot worse than driving Hummers in terms of global warming pollution.” –Hershkowitz

On top of this, Greepeace is also on board with the anti-tee-pee sentiment and have been attacking the ‘luxury’ toilet paper brands for their reckless abuse of virgins. Ease up on the abuse of virgin wood, would ya?

No one wants to marry you.
You have probably been wondering what guests do when they come over to my house.  First of all, generally the only guests that come to my house are of the female persuasion, and we all know girls don’t poop – especially when they are about to sleep with a dude, so all good there.  If she has to tinkle, there is a roll of paper towel beside the toilet. Image
What’s great about this is that even though you are charming, pushing thirty years of age, are successful and have good hygiene, no woman wants to even think of having a relationship with someone who doesn’t even buy toilet paper.  The long term relationship repellent that is a side-effect of not having toilet paper in your home is ancillary to being cleaner and saving the planet.

Happy Holidays!  Get in some corn in ya.
Dumpity dump dump.  Dumpity dump dump.  Look at Frosty go!

UnFORDunately For Us…

Since the Rob Ford scandal began the media has Fordgotten (last pun I promise) to report on everything else going on in the world.  Here are some things you may have missed while you were obsessing over a mayor in a city that 99.9% of the world doesn’t live.

Rob Ford

  1. Monkeys at Duke University learned to use virtual arms with just their brain activity.  Which could create some validity in the phrase,  ‘A monkey could do your job!’  Sorry guys.
  2. The Western Black rhino is officially extinct.  Humans could be next but you would never hear about as long as Robbie Bruce keeps smoking crack and saying ‘pussy’ on live T.V.
  3. David Suzuki (care of the Huffington Post) released a video saying things like ‘fukushima is the most terrifying situation I can imagine.’  He went on to say that there is a 95% probability that Japan doesn’t exist in the next three years because of their pride.  Sure I improvised a bit but that summation is not far off.
  4. Oh yeah, there was ANOTHER shooting in America.  This time at LAX.  I guess that’s not a big deal and we should all just..uhh..err.. re-LAX?
  5. And apparently a convicted rapist in the U.S. received no jail time.

That’s all for now.  Time for TMZ.